The Coffeehouse

This is my last week at work, and I guess I'll tone it down a bit, but YEAY!

It's been an overall good experience, learned lots of new things, met great people, but there is such an air of bureaucracy here. I can't stand it. Is it always like this? I hope not.

This past year, I just couldn't wait to grab my degree and hit the ground running. But the problem was, to where? And now I'm finishing up this job and I've gotten some great ideas, and again, I just want to take off running. I want to do something.

None of which might be feasible at the present moment due to things I'd like to take a chainsaw to.

I tried to do those long-term goal thingy-majingys, but what if I can't wait? What if I want to do it now, and may possess the capability, just not the support?

And what if I obtain the experience and capability, but the support might never be there?

Who loves the "cached" option in search engines? I do! It makes the world go 'round.

Html Hell, is becoming a bit heavenly, if I do say so myself. There's still some weird things to sort out though. Check it out, lemme know what you think! Je voudrais le feedback, s'il vous plait.

Speaking of gift-giving...

Having a large extended family is a blessing, right? In disguise? If so, mine's got some great costumes.

In two weeks, we're going on a family vacation (God willing, as we say) to visit family and possibly attend a cousin's wedding (the first cousin-wedding I'd be going to). And as I imagine would be almost every culture's tradition, visitors come bearing gifts in exchange for free room, board, and food. Although there is no guarantee of the last part of the business deal, in case the gifts just plain suck.

I have about 30+ first cousins. *gasp*

But we won't be seeing them all. *phew*

But many of them have gone off and gotten married and produced offspring. *yikes*

You see where this is going? Do you realize how much of our luggage won't be actually ours?

I've spent the last couple of days at the mall, trying to pick out age and size appropriate stuff for relative. It's really difficult. For every person on our list, we conduct an indepth analysis of age, height, weight and other physical characteristics, and personality traits. We count back to figure out their age, and squint in an attempt to try and remember and/or predict their height, weight, and sense of style.

If we end up wrong about anyone, I know I'll just breakdown and cry.

Don't laugh, okay?

I dream of bathrooms. Like, a lot…

Most of the vivid dreams I end up remembering have to do with public bathrooms. But I've stopped paying attention to them because they're a common occurrence and not out of the ordinary, for me anyway.

And no, I've never actually, physically needed to go to the bathroom, just in my dreams I do. And I never seem to find an appropriate toilet, for various reasons including co-ed bathrooms, small stalls, half stalls, no locks on doors, no privacy, and sometimes, there are just no bathrooms around. Often, there's lots and lots of stalls in a public bathroom, but I can never use them. It's all quite irritating. And there's never an end to my search for a bathroom, no happy ending.

Just last night, I dreamt I was at work and needed to go to the bathroom (of course). The bathroom near my desk was closed under construction. And I see a lot of my coworkers going to a bathroom in a new section of our building, but I decide to go to another one on my floor, and it turns out, it was just converted into a daycare (you can laugh at this part ONLY). So I end up going to the new bathroom and it turns out to be "inappropriate", go figure. Then I woke up. Well, it was a tad bit longer than that because I was looking for my missing bag at the same time and I was meeting up with friends along the way.

And you know what, I'm not surprised...

I enjoy giving gifts. The gift wrapping and funny cards, the excitement of handing over the package, the look of surprise, the tension in the air as a gift is carefully unwrapped, and finally, seeing someone's face light up at their new goody.

Or not. Whatever.

Gift-giving has become boring and predictable. And tedious. I mean, if you've known someone for more than 3 years, you've probably already gifted them every type of item they like on several occasions. Purses, clothes, jewelry, books, candles, and then? It gets really boring, and no one ever wants to give the same type of gift twice. It's so much easier when you're in your tweens because you can exchange silly toy-ish items and it's hilarious. Then you grow up and Mars Mud is no longer an age-appropriate gift-item (yes, I was actually given this in my tweens, and I loved it, it was green).

This last little while has been pretty hectic gift-wise. Birthdays, bridal showers, weddings, convocations (mine too, magna cum laude, ahm!). And there's so much pressure to find the right gift in time for the occasion. Like for mom's birthday? And very shortly thereafter, Mother's Day? The whole family went nuts, trying to avoid giving her an umpteenth bottle of perfume or bubble bath. Bridal shower and wedding? Gift card, gift card. I'd love to tell you all about one of my best friend's hijacking my entire summer with her birthday, convocation, bridal shower, wedding, and her two other wedding-related parties. Oh yes, and she's moving away, so she's entitled to like 50 presents.

Generally, if I find something cute and funny, useful, and appropriate, I'll save it until an occasion, or just gift it, right then and there. But to try and find something original within a certain timeline and budget, all the while gambling on the potential likability/usability of the item? Yeah...

So I loved it when Mommy Dearest proposed on Mother's Day that we drastically reduce the gift giving within the family to once a year, at Eid Al Fitr, right after Ramadan. The routine would be a Secret Santa and a list of "wanted" items and its basically a gift package that should cover all the necessary holidays and/or surprise occasions including, but not limited to, birthdays, anniversaries, and designated holidays. Which is wonderful by me because I like to give others things that they need and will use in the near future, and I've been getting things I have no use for, and therefore end up shamelessly re-gifting them. Things like:

- Bubble Bath: It smells good, sure, but I have no time and no desire to spend an hour in the bathtub soaking in chemicals and artificial colours.

- Perfume: Okay, I do have use for this, but I'm not really a frequent user and I'm not interested in starting a collection.

- Purses: I'm picky about them, and I already have too many.

- Candles: Chemical-y.

Books are always welcomed!

Not that I care much for receiving gifts anyway, I'd rather celebrate an occasion with some good coffee and good conversation, two things you can never have enough of. Another gift is just another item I have to put away somewhere in my room, and we all know I'd rather just leave it a mess. You'd end up being an accomplice to the trashing my of room, you gift-giving freak.

My current pet peeve has become Facebook applications. Y'know, those add-ons that your wonderful friends keep inviting you to add. I dislike them so much, that this morning, I was hallucinating that they were the snooze on my alarm clock, waking me up every five minutes for a whole hour, and I was killing them one by one with a punch of my fist, muttering "goddamn you applications" as I doze off for another five minutes. True story.

I especially hate the ones "Honesty Box", or "Hot or Not", and "Top Friends". Everyone just grow up, okay?

These are some songs I'm really liking these days..

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

Marty Casey & Lovehammers - Trees

Metric - Combat Baby

I started my summer job on Monday, it's been quite interesting so far. Much different than last year's summer gig at the Ministry of Environment, not better, but different. Oh wait, no it is better: downtown (out exploring during my lunches), all-you-can-drink-coffee (the guys in my office are BIG COFFEE DRINKERS, yup, in all-caps, lovely people), and no robotic data-entry stuff. But, I'm the youngest person here, and there are no other students/interns on my floor as of yet, so it gets lonely. My past few days can be summed up by this oft-repeated phrase.

"Here, take these reports, look at these websites, and..y'know, read, get a feel for things."

So that's all I've been doing...reading. Which really, is no different than what I did in university, except now I'm getting paid to read (thank you responsible tax-paying Canadian citizens, special thanks to WLFG, Mona, and Omar2Cents). But it's oh-so-much harder reading government documents. Especially if you're reading simply for the sake of reading. I haven't been instructed to focus on specific issues, or look up a policy or anything you'd think a Research Analyst would do. I just read. And it's really difficult to stay focused (and dare I say, awake?) when there is no specific purpose to your reading except "getting a feel for things". To me, that's like reading the introduction/executive summary, and skimming through the remaining hundred or so pages. But I'm given two hundred-page reports to keep me occupied for the day.

Okay, I feel bad for complaining, and I think I'll stop now before I jinx myself and end up swamped with stuff to do and deadlines to meet and stuff....

I'm upset. It's been a while, but I'm still upset. I don't know if you read any of this anymore. I asked you to leave me alone and I meant it. But...I hope you read this.

It took me so long to open up, and when I did, you closed up in my face. I didn't know what you wanted, I wasn't convinced that's what you wanted. Somehow, you managed to say some nice things and I think I believed you. It wasn't fair, it wasn't nice, and God, it hurt like hell. You weren't honest with me, and you didn't own up to your actions.

I won't blame myself, I know it's not me. It was you. But why did I get the short end of the stick? Why did I have to pay the price for your thoughtless actions? I was so careful, not getting attached, playing it cool, taking it slow. I never wanted anything except honesty, the truth, good intentions. I don't understand how you could say one thing, and do something else completely contradictory, leaving it out in plain sight for me to find out. Why did you want to hurt me?

I never wanted to be one of "those girls". The ones who get tossed away like yesterday's garbage at the end of the chase. I'm upset that I ended up as one of them. I don't care about you, and I don't hate you, but you turned me into one of "them", and for that, I truly resent you.

It was going so well. Sometimes I think back and wonder if it was all just a bad dream. Or if I had overreacted. But the hurt and the pain was real.

I'm afraid. I don't want this to happen again. It hurts too much. It wasn't worth it.

I'm allergic to clingy people. I get a headache, my throat constricts, and I feel suffocated. You don't understand how suffocated I feel! I'm THAT allergic.

So I have a problem. There's someone very clingy in my life right now. It wasn't always the case with them, we're friends and stuff. Just lately (well, for the past two months), I can't stand them. They call too much, they message too much, they ask too many questions. I can't even stand to hear their name, or their voice (I cringe at their voice messages).

I'm also a very non-confrontational person, so what do I do? How do I gently let them know that I need some time and space away from them. That I don't appreciate them calling me this often, and there's a reason I don't pick up. Or message back. I think they think we're really great bestest friends, but I don't feel the same way. And I really really reallly need my space....