The Coffeehouse

It's summer, but not officially. It's the biggest contradiction ever, and most probably the result of selfish anthropocentric activities and climate change. All the signs of summer are there: hot, bright, sun, blue skies, green grass, flowers abloom, birds chirping at 3 am (such early birds! yeah, that was cheesy, I apologize), yet it is still freakin' cold!! For the past week it has been 10 degrees or lower, but because the sun is smoldering hot, I've been putting on sunscreen, and I still got a tan which is very troubling because we haven't even officially started summer yet and this makes me dread what I'll look like by August. My brother says that it looks like someone hit me in the face with a frying pan . He always says charming stuff like this. (In the Tarzan song that I had to memorize and recite in every waking moment of my summer camp job, Tarzan swings on a rubber band, smacks into a frying pan, and gets a tan as well....Jane is not as fortunate and she flies in her aeroplane, crashes into a car lane, and has a "pain", but it's a children's song, so we just smile through the whole thing...DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH I SUFFERED AND HOW EMOTIONALLY SCARRED I STILL AM?!)... Anyhoo, the weather needs to make up its goddamn mind! I'm starting to look a bit alarming with a fried face and a jacket on...

I hung out today with some old highschool friends I hadn't seen in a while, and it was amazing! They're such a low-maintenance group of people, and that's what I love most about them, everything is simple and relaxed, and you don't feel the suffocation of following social rules and formalities, and the uppityness of it all....SIMPLICITY RULES.

I read an article today where the author referred to coffee as liquid crack, and that ladies and gentlemen is genius, and has more truth to it than you may think... (EDIT: Actually, as much as I love calling my favourite beverage liquid crack, liquid crack and any other form of cocaine is in fact NOT genius, and NOT desirable and does not make the world go round. Sorry for the romanitication/glorification of drugs...)

I should start a category of things that make the world go round...

I might get used to the proper English...I dunno, does it suit me?

I downloaded and re-installed MSN Messenger today. I never thought I'd miss it so much, it's been what, two monthes?! So, I logged on, and the first thing I did was say "awwwwww" when I saw everyone's cute display pics and those italicized messages (my favourite: Six Nations: The Adventures of Hum Hum and the Mohawk Warriors - Oh Canada our home on Native Land, so sad, so true). The freaky thing was the damn computer remembered all of my old settings and now it just makes it even easier to relapse into idiocy and stuff, and I don't want to relapse into idiocy! Things are going okay now, I'm not spending a lot of time online, and when I am online, I feel the need to sign out, but now I get to have those emoticons they don't have in webmessenger, plus all the other ones I added (the boogie and giggle ones!) and who can resist messaging a nudge! < nudge > We'll see how things go, school starts again on Monday...

Anyone know a good RSS reader?

Maybe proper grammar and punctuation will help me to express myself better.

I wasn't going to write about this today (the #1 Coffeehouse rule), but it's been eating me up for a while, and I feel the floodgates about to open, and I don't want them to open dammit...

I went to the bookstore today (I love browsing through books, hardcover only! Softcovers are for sissies) and I came across a book called "What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over". I didn't get a chance to look through it though 'cause I saw it as I was leaving. But I did manage to find an excerpt of it, which pretty much sums up how I feel....craptastic.

The ending of my friendship with Maggie ultimately led to the profound beginning of something much bigger — a realization of the prevalence of these unhappy endings to women's friendships and a need to understand them. However, at the time, I was completely unaware of anything other than the sadness, confusion, and havoc her avoidance had brought into my life.

I felt positive that Maggie and I were not these two estranged women. If our friendship were in trouble, we would have discussed it. Something or someone would be accountable. Maggie would never say, "I'm busy," and be done with it — or would she?

I hung on as long as I could to the sliver of hope that the whole thing was some sort of crazy mix-up. In fact I convinced myself after another week had passed to call her one more time. Maybe, just maybe, I was insanely paranoid and would we would laugh together at the absurdity of the idea of this friendship being over. I dialed her number, and the moment she answered, I wished I hadn't — I wanted to hang up, but instead we carried on a brief swapping of "How are you's?" Everything I had felt earlier was validated once and for all? She was done.

Through my wave of nausea, I found the courage before hanging up to ask if she was angry with me about something. I think it was my feeble way of letting her know that I was on to what she was doing. She stuck quietly and adamantly to the "busy" thing. My sliver of hope was gone as I put the receiver down.

The part of me that sees a glass as half full recognized that at least the guessing was over. She was done. But I was a mess. Just after I hung up the phone with her I felt the first real taste of rage, sadness, and shame. I think I was angry with myself for not having had the nerve to say something more direct — like, "I know what you're doing, you coward. At least admit what you are doing here. Say, 'I break with thee.' Say something." But I couldn't muster up any more to say to her even though, clearly, I had nothing to lose. But the emotions of these experiences are tough to explain while you're close to them and right in them.

I don't know if I'm simply imagining things, or if it really was over a long time ago and I'm just holding onto memories and things that really don't exist, or haven't existed for a while. And it hurts....it just really, really...hurts....and there's nothing I can do about it.

y'know, just in case you haven't yet received your billionth forward about hotmail and they're crazy plan to close down accounts and make people pay.....

Date: Sun, 23 Apr 2006 22:25:15 +0000
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed
X-OriginalArrivalTime: 23 Apr 2006 22:25:19.0284 (UTC) FILETIME=[CD9E8740:01C66724]

Hey it is Andy and john the directors of MSN, sorry for the interruption but msn is closing down. this is because too many inconsiderate people are taking up all the name (eg making up lots of different accounts for just one person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close your account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your account, then SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. This is no joke, we will be shutting down the servers. Send it on, thanks. WHO EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSEAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU WILL COST £10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE WHOLE EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION

guys, this is real (i'm serious, see my face? i'm trying really hard not to laugh). and andy and john REALLY are the directors of MSN and they really are on first-name basis with everyone, and that's how john spells his name, with a lower-case "j", cause it looks much more professional and credible, ESPECIALLY on OFFICIAL correspondence.....

and just in case you really do believe that MSN is going after people, and you need to be snapped back to reality (and maybe even tarred-and-feathered for your intellect) ---> BBC News

Swastika, Ontario....

TELL ME that's not an anti-semitic act on the part of the Ontario government to give a whole township the name of the sign of Hitler. i see a future lawsuit as this town has the potential to promote hate and harbour the establishment of a neo-Nazi terrorist cell :p and yes, it could refer to the Hindu symbol, but we all know it doesn't for 1) it's an itty-bitty town in north-eastern Ontario and the majority of the population is probably NOT people of the Hindu faith and 2) "swastika" is now owned by others....how did we all miss this?!

so i've been applying to jobs in the government all day and they have positions in places all over Ontario and in tons of ministries and agencies. each one requires a separate four-page application and cover letter and i've so far done eleven of them...ELEVEN!! and they've all gotta be mailed out..there's a couple more i'm still going to apply for, let's just hope i get at least an interview!! i came across Swastika, ON while i was looking through the job postings and there are other weird and funky places in this province, Emo? Delhi? Espanola? L'Original? South Porcupine? Utopia (ha!) ? i think at Naming Committee meetings they do that whole thing where you take a book, close your eyes, open to a random page, and the name you choose is whatever word your finger lands on...

i'm so tired, i'm about to pass out. but i just thought that i should post something as i have finished yet another year of post-secondary education (parrttaaaayyy!). my exam was kinda easy, almost everybody had left within the first hour..not many questions, but makes you wonder......hmm....then i went shopping for a gift for a friend, and i came across this super cool ring that had a piece of Thai pottery set in it, very nice....and on the way home, i stopped at this used cd store that i've been wanting to go to forever, and i bought the "evita" soundtrack!! came home, then went out for dinner with friends...and tomorrow will be my last day at work! wohoooo......need to find another job...at a cafe perferably ;)

it's funny, in my first year, i absolutely detested university and i was in denial and wanted to go back to highschool, and now, i am also in denial and don't want to leave university and venture out into the cruel, cruel world. there's so many things i have yet to accomplish to complete my university experience (overrated maybe? who has EVER ended up doing ANY of the things felicity does in "felicity"?!?!). i had this list of what i wanted to do before i graduate next year, but the number 1, most important thing (and the only thing i can remember) is i must visit every building on campus at least once....it's very important for my well being.....

i've said before that because i am an aquarian, i am a visionary and sometimes i think that's true, and there are times when i think i am a lousy visionary by nature, and those moments of "true" visions are flukes....actually, i KNOW i'm a lousy visionary, because i am at a point in my life where i realize the importance of staying awake in class... something i should have envisioned at the beginning of the semester that would have helped me in taking notes and hence simplified the studying process. i'm studying for my GIS exam, and i don't understand the prof's lecture notes!! partly, because 1) it's GIS and 2) i was never awake long enough to write coherent notes of my own ....there's just something about that subject that is excessively boring. so i'm spending most of my time looking up terminology and doing my readings...grrr...the bright side (think positive, positive!) is that it's my last exam, not worth too much, and its on tuesday, after which i will be freeee....till the beginning of may which is when my summer course starts (only lasts a month). i'm excited about my summer course "ecological landscape restoration" because it apparently includes field trips and some real hands-on restoration....

oh, and i just have to clarify: mr. lipstick is not really "lipsticky". a couple of weeks ago, my group and i were working on our assignment and there was another group of people sitting nearby talking loudly about choosing "god or girls" (don't ask) ....and out of the blue, mr. lipstick announces to us "i choose girls".....

sleep: yes, you've heard the story before, and you may even have experienced it yourself, so i am sorry if this bores you, but i think i have broken several personal records (longest essays written, shortest period of time with most consecutive all-nighters) this past week which have contributed to my sleepless nights, and i can slowly sense a shift in my sleeping patterns that will eventually lead me to an insomniac/vampire-style routine and i absolutely MUST share all this with you, because you love me (don't fight it). if i were to ever carry out a conversation with my subconscious/mind when going to bed, it would denounce me as a human, and not let me go to sleep, because as a caffeine-fueled robot, your neck is supported by your shoulders dammit, and not a nice fluffy pillow, there is no such thing as sleeping in a horizontal position under the covers when passing out in your chair to the hum of the computer fan is so much more comforting, even lullaby-ish, and your eyes only close to blink that necessary blink so as to prevent your eyes from drying up and going blind. yes, my subconscious/mind is quite the cheeky personality...

my last class and final exam for the course i take with mr. eyecandy was on monday. it was kinda sad, and i moped around for a bit, but only a tiny bit because the positive side of all this was that at least i didn't have to suffer any more of me looking like crap when i see him....always look for the positive side to things..

for those humourless (and clueless) souls out there who didn't get the whole MSN spoof/april fools thing, or just didn't bother to CLICK the link....you missed out. anyhoo, i tried the spoof search results again, and here are two that i found to be really funny, and contain more truth than you may think...

also, yesterday was a mighty purdy day, and i spotted the first flowers of the season. the same ones that grew first last year. and i took pictures :D. however, we had a mini-snowstorm today (last week we hit two-digit temperatures, and today, it was below zero!) and i'm not sure what happened to them...i'll check up on them tomorrow i guess...

oh yeah...i made a new blog banner thingy cause it's been long overdue and i just didn't feel like typing up my paper last night...that lady? is pretty much me, if i was a 40 year old, post-menopausal woman with a bad perm attempting to pull my hair out from the roots because there's coffee beans everywhere and the mugs are dancing around like the fine china in beauty and the beast..

i know i said i don't use the MSN search engine, but today, i decided to "MSN" myself and typed in "caffeine queenie" and this is what i got....

http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=Caffeine+Queenie&FORM=aWqTjBVwaAYb

some weird stuff!

don't forget to change your clocks!